An Open Letter to Life

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Stepped on the scale this morning, 278!!!! Yes yes yes, I am so excited! No symptoms from adipex other than extremely dry mouth, which leads to bad breath but cured with mints and gum and water! I’ve been a bit busy with starting college in a few days, but making my time to work out at the gym and eating right! I try and keep myself moving throughout the day. Now that I think about to, the Adipex makes me sweat alot more, so that’s probably helping too, but nevertheless I am moving the right direction. My mini goal for the next 2 weeks, 266 pounds, that will be the weight I was at for 4 straight years, and the weight I was at when I met my boyfriend Steve!

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Alot has happened in a few days, which is why I haven’t been blogging like I would have liked too. Anywho, still going to gym and getting my sweat on. The problem is, I don’t know if anyone just loses energy while going to the gym. I was having to push myself to go, I had absolutely no energy, even taking vitamin b 12….even 2 didn’t help. So when I went to my Doctor for a yearly, mind you it was my first visit with him EVER, he basically laid out my health for me like I’ve never had done before. I’ve been to the Doctor alot, but I’ve never had a primary physician. When he was going through his regular medical jargon, he said “We need to talk about your weight. You are classified as obese, and it needs to be changed.” Now my weight gain was not from eating junk food or lack of exercising, it was due to a form of birth control that made me gain 110 pounds in 10 months. It has been a battle to get it off, and after I stopped that birth control I have stayed the same weight for 4 years. It has not moved one way or the other, so I know it’s not because of my eating habits. Anyway, he called me out on my crap, and I liked it. It was even more set in stone when he wrote it on my paperwork. Obese in big letters, He prescribed me Adipex. I stared at the bottle for 45 minutes this morning contemplating on if I should take it or not. I was scared, and I felt like I was “cheating” myself out of bragging rights when I finally get down to my orginal weight in high school. I mean, it’s a shock to hear that you are extremely obese, or borderline morbidly obese. I still don’t feel like I am, but my weight isn’t in one general area, it’s all over. Its also a wake up call when you go to jog/run in the gym, and you have to get an inhaler so you dont feel like your going to die. Being over weight I didn’t think it was such a bad thing because I didn’t have breathing issues like most big people. But, that was extremely embarrassing for me, especially in front of my step-daugher and friend. When you can’t sprint for 10 seconds on a treadmill, something has got to change. So I took a pill, because even if I feel like I’m cheating myself of bragging rights, it still doesn’t change the fact I work my ass off 6 days a week at the gym for 2 hours at a time. I deserve to see results, and I want results. I will do anything to reach my goal and KEEP MYSELF THERE! It’s not a phase for me, work out for a few weeks, then stop. I figured, I could give anyone insight who is wanting to try this pill. I pondered the idea before I went to the Doctor, but I didn’t think he would prescribe it, but I guess he saw that I needed help.

I took my pill at 6 am, because my boyfriend and I share a car at the moment. I took him to work, and came home. I was so tired I wanted to go back to sleep, and normally I sleep till its time for me to get ready for work (luckily Steve (the boyfriend) and I work at the same place, so it works out sharing a car). I have to be at work at 12:30, so I’d usually sleep till 10:30-11 and rush to get ready, because of lack of energy and being tired all the time. I slept till 8 and woke up with energy you wouldn’t believe. I couldn’t go to sleep, so I just laid in bed and listened to music thinking about curtains I was going to sew for my house! It feels so good to be up before 9, and having energy and not feeling like my head weighs 10 pounds. I felt a little twitchy while laying in bed, but I was over thinking the medication (I don’t like to take medication, because I start having panic attacks and freaking myself out lol). I’m totally wide awake. I just hope when this medication kicks in after about 4 days, and that I still have some of an appetite. I’m hungry now, but before I took the medication I was wayyyyyyyy hungry. So the hunger pang has actually lessened, which probably means I won’t over eat to fill that void.

Gym Blues

Posted on: July 30, 2015

After going to the gym for a week straight, I couldn’t go this evening due to work in the morning. It sucks because I feel guilty, but I know my body needs to rest. Does anyone else get like this, or is it because I have a significant amount of weight to lose? I mean I gave been pretty good about what I eat, except the few hiccups like a slice of pizza and a few chips (btw the gyro chips are disgusting). I just miss that overwhelming feeling of satisfaction when I go to bed knowing that I worked out to make my tomorrow better. But I must digress, so I’m not too tired tomorrow to work twice as hard. This weight has got to go!!

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Also, here’s a selfie with my big Shepard Gregor 🙂

At 4 days of working out I feel so good. I get up ready to go to the gym and do my workout. At my gym they have little ads on the tvs and they are very inspirational to me. They keep pushing me, those tiny little words help alot

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Muscles burning+heart pounding=body changing

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It’s crazy how those help me, but they do. I feel like I’m accomplishing something, that and when I don’t leave covered in sweat, I feel like I didn’t do a good enough job. I use to come to this gym and lift a few weights and half ass it, but now I have something to prove. I feel like I’ve made my weight loss a “public” thing and I can’t let anyone down. Even if I don’t have anyone reading this and wanting me succeed, I have to do it for myself. Later readers, will be at it again tomorrow 🙂

It’s always a great feeling being a in a relationship, most can relate. Of course, what’s even better than being in said relationship, is seeing this person on the regular basis, which includes conjugal visits at that person’s house. Now, if you are repeat visitor to this household, you may leave some items there, or may require more items for next times stay. This is when they may or may not offer a ‘drawer’. This is a huge sign, like a big ass flag to the face! If you get the offer of ‘drawer’ or ‘sink’ space, you’ve made it. If there are any doubts in your mind that this person may ‘like’ you, or may just be using you for a booty call, throw all that out the window, because you my friend have yourself a significant other!

Now, the offer of this magnificent piece of property can come in all shapes and forms. It can be and actual movement of undies and socks into an actual drawer, or an offer of like “oh yeah, just bring your stuff here”. Those are some magical words, and to a woman, this can mean danger. There are three types of woman in this world, and depending on which level they are on is directly related to the amount of alarm they will experience. 

1) The simple woman, simple shower, air dry of hair, and no makeup. They are good to go, and just seem to reek of not having fucks to give. Usual contents of drawer include:

  • Brush/comb
  • Undies (mostly the cutest thing they own)
  • Bra
  • Useless things, like bobby pins or a hat

2) The woman who brings eyeliner, and probably some shower supplies, and does dry her hair, but it just falls perfectly into place with minimal trouble. She gives some fucks, but not her whole set of fucks. Usual contents of drawer include:

  • Brush/comb, round brush
  • Undies
  • Bra, probably 2
  • Make up set at its lightest form : eyeliner, mascara, foundation, and powder
  • Maybe some hair spray, and that’s about it

3) This woman brings the whole 9 yards. If you have this woman in your life, you might as well give her a fucking closet, because she is practically bringing Wal-mart with her! Her long list of usual drawer contents include:

  • 2-3 brushes
  • A whole pack of new underwear
  • 3 bra’s
  • Make-up….in it’s own shopping bag…..like 30 things of make-up
  • Probably like 3 pairs of pants, and 15 shirts
  • She might even buy hangers to hang up her clothes
  • Hair products, mousse, hair spray
  • A HAIR DRYER
  • Possibly her random electronical devices to steal one’s wifi
  • May even buy a house towel, and pouf 
  • And, uncommonly, may rebuy all the stuff they have at their own house so they have replacements at yours because she is too lazy to tote her own crap from house to house. 

Now, on the stage of alarm goes in increasing order, girl one is at stage one, and girl three is at defcon 5. The reason for stages of alarm is because you never know what to bring, and what will be too much. You’re given this space, but you don’t want to abuse it, nor do you want to seem like you’re making his/her house yours. Most likely this can be solved with a simple conversation, but if you’re like most women you’ll try and figure it out quietly.

The trick to get things in go two ways 1) bring the stuff in slowly, that is if you’re girl one or two this can be easily done in one or two trips, 2) just warn the person with a simple line like “Look bro/girl, I’m a self absorbed mother fucker, so I need to borrow your closet.” This can go in either a good or bad direction, but if it’s bad, then it wasn’t meant to be. Mostly girls one and two go with the sneak option, but girls like me that are number three’s…just make it clear about our needs. 

In summation, if you get a drawer, or in my case, a closet and a vanity. Just know this person really likes you, and is wanting you to spend time there. So don’t abuse it by over cluttering, or being messy. Because, now that I have all replacement stuff for everything at my house, I’d rather not have to bring it back any time soon. Later readers, I’m going to organize my new found piece of property.


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