An Open Letter to Life

Posts Tagged ‘goals

I start college tomorrow,  I’m nervous and excited at the same time. I keep wondering if 3 years from now will this day be a good memory,  one that I look back to and think “oh, she was so young”, or “I’m going to miss college forver”, or will it be a bad memory that I want to bury in a sandbox. Answers will come in time.

I don’t know if many of you are worriers, but I am. Even if it’s something that I know is going to happen a year from now, it still bothers me. I will have to enroll full time next year, thus making me able to work MAYBE 20 hours a week. I’ve never not had a full time job, and it scares me to have to go back to being supported by another person, I’ve been my supporter for so long that it feels odd…..even though it’s 12 months away 😦 guess that means I can actually get involved in my school, and study and hang out with kids my own age and broaden my horizons (but I’m too awkward to bring out in public)

look at me getting all personal, but it’s on my mind, and bothering me like crazy, makes me feel better to jot it down and get it off the old noodle. Still hitting the gym, have kept 10 pounds off, but it’s not enough!! Need to work harder

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Gym Blues

Posted on: July 30, 2015

After going to the gym for a week straight, I couldn’t go this evening due to work in the morning. It sucks because I feel guilty, but I know my body needs to rest. Does anyone else get like this, or is it because I have a significant amount of weight to lose? I mean I gave been pretty good about what I eat, except the few hiccups like a slice of pizza and a few chips (btw the gyro chips are disgusting). I just miss that overwhelming feeling of satisfaction when I go to bed knowing that I worked out to make my tomorrow better. But I must digress, so I’m not too tired tomorrow to work twice as hard. This weight has got to go!!

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Also, here’s a selfie with my big Shepard Gregor 🙂

So today, I was looking for pants to wear to work. I usually run late because I procrastinate. Anywho, I was having an inner argument because I knew I had a clean pair of khakis in my drawer, but they had been dried, so they would be uncomfortable and I just didn’t feel like being all smooshed together. I bit the bullet and put them on, and they went on, without any issues, and weren’t even tight. Happiest moment of my day 🙂

As day 5 of exercising comes to a close, this is probably the first day I contemplated not going because I was tired. I went anyway of course because in order to obtain what I want I need to stay motivated. Now my supporting friends and family are all smaller than me, and it’s hard for me to believe that my goals are obtainable because I’ve never seen anyone my size lose alot of weight. So I searched the web, and searched to see if I could find someone who has my same body shape, and I was curious as to what their after pictures looked like. My goal is to comfortably, and “safely” wear a bikini. I know it will be a few summers from now, but it is something that I’ve never been able to do, nor have I been able to walk into any store and find lots of pants in my size. So I want to work for it, as hard as I can. While searching google images I found my motivation picture. This girl has inspired me, I don’t know who she is, or what she did to lose the weight that she has, but she is keeping me on it! I see her before picture,  and I see myself. I literally look like that naked….it’s the sad truth. But, her after picture makes me so excited for my future I can hardly stand it. Of course it’s not guaranteed that I will look as hot as she does, but I could come fairly close 🙂

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As day 5 of exercising comes to a close, this is probably the first day I contemplated not going because I was tired. I went anyway of course because in order to obtain what I want I need to stay motivated. Now my supporting friends and family are all smaller than me, and it’s hard for me to believe that my goals are obtainable because I’ve never seen anyone my size lose alot of weight. So I searched the web, and searched to see if I could find someone who has my same body shape, and I was curious as to what their after pictures looked like. My goal is to comfortably, and “safely” wear a bikini. I know it will be a few summers from now, but it is something that I’ve never been able to do, nor have I been able to walk into any store and find lots of pants in my size. So I want to work for it, as hard as I can. While searching google images I found my motivation picture. This girl has inspired me, I don’t know who she is, or what she did to lose the weight that she has, but she is keeping me on it! I see her before picture,  and I see myself. I literally look like that naked….it’s the sad truth. But, her after picture makes me so excited for my future I can hardly stand it. Of course it’s not guaranteed that I will look as hot as she does, but I could come fairly close 🙂

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I’ve been contemplating in the last few days whether to get on a prescribed diet medication. I mean, it seems easy you know, just pop a pill and do what I’m doing now and I’ll have results. But, I would feel like I cheated myself out of what I was working for, and running the risk of side effects and I don’t think my skin would look toned or defined as it could be with hard work. Since I know the way to fix being overweight, why not do the work required to fix it, right?  Just a thought for those seeking results the quick way.


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