An Open Letter to Life

The Dirty Truth

Posted on: July 24, 2015

You know how they say when you are anorexic that you look at your body and see it as a big huge blimp. Well, I think there is such thing as the opposite of that. Fatorexia. I’ve seen this word 2 times on the world wide web. I believe it’s true, I mean today was my Ah-Ha moment. Ever girl has a weight number in their head that if they ever saw that on a scale and they didn’t have a legitimate excuse as to why, fit would hit the shan. I have reached that number, exactly dead on it. That moment, all I could do is not cry in front of my friend. I feel as though I have let myself down, and I have let my future kids down. I mean who wants a mom who can’t run around with you and play with you. How could I have ever let it get this far, what’s wrong with me. Even now looking at that scale and looking at myself, I find I’m trying to pick out attractive things about my physical appearance to make myself feel better. Why? I need to feel guilty and ashamed, that might Kickstart my ass into getting a hold of this. Weight gain is easily preventable, it’s not like it’s a big secret what you need to do. I just want it to be known, that you can’t fix a problem if you don’t know when one is there, which is why some people can’t lose the weight, because they see themselves as thin(ish). I would like for everyone to follow me in my journey, a journey of change and to figure out how to deal with this. It’s hard, but maybe this little blog of mine can help someone.

I weighed in at 290 pounds today. That will never happen again. I should be at 150 pounds. I have disappointed myself, and it’s time to get my health back. Who’s with me!


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