An Open Letter to Life

RTG: “Using Public Restrooms” Topic #2

Posted on: July 27, 2012

When visiting a public restroom, an inner war starting my head. There is the desperate side, we’ll call that blue side, that is saying “Please just relieve yourself, I promise you won’t get cooties from this toilet seat, just piss already”, then we have the side of sanity, we’ll call this the red side, saying “You know that 90% of all toilets have some sort of  bacterial infection on them, caused by vagina lips rubbing along the seat”, but me very well knowing that the red side just pulled that information out of it’s non-existent ass. Then I stand there, staring at this porcelain throne, thinking “It doesn’t look so bad, I mean, all I gotta do is pee, 10 seconds tops and I’m done” But no, when I go for the button of the pants, my red side waves it’s stupid little flag “Someone could have had genital warts and it only takes one time for you to get that shit, and ajax won’t even take it off”

Luckily for me though, at my job, the back restrooms there is one stall door that won’t shut, so I’ve watched multiple people go in, fight with the door and walk out. So I have devised a way to get the door closed, so in turn I’m probably the only person who uses the toilet. Even though I have thought of a way to silence the unreasonable red side of my brain, I still use the toilet protector sheets.

So the next time you’re in the bathroom and you hear someone in the stall beside you having a fight, it’s just me, fighting with myself!

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